The Heart of a Leader

"Being a Master leader means being a Master Servant." 

~ Bishop Teresa Snorton

People often are placed in positions of leadership at unsuspecting times.  Even if they have some skills or have done so in other arenas before, there is typically a moment of hesitation of how to proceed on certain decisions. These new facilitators will first seek counsel and advice from mentors in order to determine the best possible options.  However, what most people find that in order to really lead, to guide people to a goal, they must understand what it is to be apart of the group with whom they are working.

Same is the case in our lives when moving to the next level or into a new opportunity. We are excited about the possibilities or nervous about what comes next, but feel like we have an initial learning curve.  Whether it is writing the first book, starting a new position or moving to a new place, those first moments are taken tentatively.  We search for ways to make it as familiar as possible to our old situation – we decorate the space, start the meeting with a quote or bring our favorite lamp into the writing area.  We try to bring a little of ourselves until we can integrate the styles as quickly as possible, hoping that, by the time the first month is over, things have smoothed out just a little.

The best way of being a good leader, perhaps, is by being a great servant. There is something to be said about attending to the needs of even the lowest position in the company or the smallest person in the household. This is not the same as conforming, yielding to all wishes or making sure everyone gets everything that they want. It is about taking care of the needs. Matthew 25:40 reads, “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me. ’” Leading is less about being perfect and more about anticipating how a group will need to be serviced before that time comes.   Those we lead are a plant: add water before it begins to droop; give it proper sunshine so that it will grow; every now and then add that special fertilizer to give little boost; have someone look after it in your absence; and anticipating when the regiment will need to change.

Moreover, if we have to be a servant to be a great leader, we must also handle our needs.   We can not serve if we are not listening and paying attention to all the whispers of our body’s requests for food and water, our mind’s requirements of sleep, our spirit’s desire to be restored, refreshed and renewed after a long work week.  We cannot serve if we have not given ourselves the necessary structure and organization to have a way of sustaining our own future.  Yes, leadership is tricky, but can be navigated, if we learn the best ways of serving - the repayment and reward are blessing from our own lives and loyalty from those all around us.

Let’s consider this week where we have been designated a leader and see how we can be better servants in those capacities.

Outliers: Seeing from a Distance

Many of my friends have been on vacations and returned with beautiful pictures of their adventures.  The above, taken by Lessie Rivon, friend of Kimberly Barnes, is a scene from her trip to the Bahamas.   Enjoy!

In the late 80s, a film featured a boy who always got teased at school and was constantly left out and used because of small stature.  He decided, then, he wanted to be big.  He made a wish on a machine at a Fair and, the next morning, was an adult.  Although at first it was difficult to navigate - after all his best friend still looked and acted 13, he found his niche at toy company, testing toys' effectiveness by playing with them.  His co-workers could not understand how he was coming up with new ideas that worked or how he was advancing so quickly, they just knew he was different in his thinking, actions and approach to making the company successful.

Sometimes we come into a specific place and realize we see it all differently.  The solutions are deviant from the norm, not exactly a crowd pleaser, but can change the way the world considers things.  Like a remote control for a tv, a sand paper strip on the side of a matchbox or a rubber ring for a key.  In these situations we are outliers, persons in the group who may stand alone or in a small cluster away from the standard.

Admittedly, it may be hard to realize we are the one who sees outside the group; it can be a lonely position.  But it is necessary that each group to have thinkers, doers and movers, even for a short time, to shed light on the obvious.  Caleb, in Numbers 13, was one of the 12 sent over the mountain to scope out Canaan for Moses.  While the other 11 said they should turn back, Caleb saw a not so popular view of the situation, saying, "Let us go up at once, and possess it; for we are well able to overcome it" (verse 30; NRSV).  He saw, as God did, the vision necessary to save the entire nation, and was unafraid to stand boldly on this perspective.

Perhaps we have been pondering an idea that may not make sense to others, but refuses to go away. It may be time to explore it, meditate on it and embrace it.  After our brief hesitation, we may find that there is peace in that space when we have made the decision to follow the voice. And, the road that seems to be less traveled - the deviation - will open up with added blessings as confirmation for the making the right choice.

Let us consider asking ourselves what sight we have been given at our jobs, in our home or in our daily lives.  Let us decide today to cling to that vision and be ready for wherever it takes us.

What Holds Us Up

“My Mama said that I was not built to break! ...I did not know my own strength.”

~ Whitney Houston

At a recent conference, a young woman, before sharing her gift of song, told the awaiting listeners that she was striving to be a phenomenal woman. As the crowd affirmed for her that she was already phenomenal, the speaker went on to tell of how she had survived a severe domestic violence situation and now, in her upper 30s was returning to school as a freshman to further her education.  A shocked crowd applauded her courage, her strength, fortitude and drive.  The speaker then, again, repeated her desired to be a phenomenal woman.    Someone at a table below the platform whispered, “But you already are” hoping the words could be a silent bandage for the obvious wounds this woman was struggling to heal.

How many times have we been this way?  Standing on the dais of situations in our lives, whether it be conversation with friends, at the head of a boardroom meeting, in front of the classroom, in front of our children, unable to recognize our own greatness.  Somehow not able to face our own legacy for trying to escape the stigma of whatever was chaining us, not realizing that chain has been broken. Unable to see how our story is an inspiration to another.  We think, “This is what holds us back.”  When working to move forward, we replay, constantly, traumas that plagued us, wondering how we can just maneuver around the wall to be that better person we want to become.

What the audience was collectively pushing for was a change in her thinking, a shift in perspective.  The crowd, touched and encouraged by her story, wanted desperately to be a reaffirming mentor to a woman with such value, for her to see that she was already walking in her potential by pushing to live our her dreams in spite of her past. What the assembly need was the affirmation that there would not be another like them, who may have previously allowed outside forces to dictate how they felt about themselves.

To be honest, we are most often, for ourselves, more like the young woman, and less like the crowd. We are told that the survivor stands alone and no one else will ever be for us.  The truth is often farther from this thought than we could imagine. We all have a cheerleading section of people who still see the best in us, whether it is spiritual, persons in your circle now, or a confirmation on the way in your future.  What we must remember is that the experiences move us forward, build us, shape up, mold us and deposit growth into us. What we must remember is that what we think is really holding us back is actually what is holding us up. 

Consider, this week, making a list of all the things you feel are holding you back.  Even title it as such. Once the list is made, scratch off the word “back” and replace it with “up”

Reflections: Challenge Accepted

One [person] with courage is a majority.

Thomas Jefferson

I am notorious for starting projects but not finishing them. I do not believe it is so much a lack of discipline as it is getting distracted with the next biggest, brightest, shinier star, because all of them should be in my sky, right?  “Not really,” I often have to remember to tell myself. Sometimes, I believe I just have a fear of actually succeeding, of being rewarded something for which I worked so hard.  Who could imagine that it could be possible to not really want to succeed?

I learned, this month, that I as much as I love writing and would do it every waking moment of my existence (or some form of it including theater, sermoning, reading and the like), I worry constantly about what people would think about it.  Take this blog/newsletter, for instance, I write and write and some days posts that are to come out, do not make it out.  Funny thing is, I often have a post in the back lined up somewhere that would have worked, but I felt it was subpar for whatever reason.  Yes, quality is importance, but not at the risk of self-sabotage.

So what are we self-sabotaging? Where are we in our lives that we are stopping ourselves from receiving a blessing because we stop just short of the moment. I often wonder what would have happened if we just stayed the course.  Even as I write this, my mind is racing and I have 3 other possible Peace and Praise subjects open, some started, others a mere title, a play and a bibliography for a grant, in separate window.  Talk about a need to get it all together! 

What we need to do in situations such as these is to simply focus and prioritize.  What had to happen? And what is it that we need to do first.  For me, which article should I write first (probably the one that comes out today!)? I have written before about the need to finish projects, and today, the last Friday in August, I am declaring my acceptance of the Challenge. To be more focused, more diligent, and actually complete some tasks.  To shut down the 50-11 windows I have open at any given time to make room for concentrating on just one thing.

Consider issuing a small self-challenge and accepting it. 

Unified

“We must not, in trying to think about how we can make a big difference, ignore the small daily differences we can make which, over time, add up to the big differences that we often can not foresee.”

~ Maria Wright Edelman

“If you think you’re too small to have an impact, try going to bed with a mosquito.”

~ Anita Roddick

In preparation for a theatrical production, many working hours going to the finished product: actors memorize lines, directors work to solidify the overall vision, and set designers build the idea.  There are so many persons who collaborate to work toward one goal, each with a different gift, a different purpose.  With so many ornaments, so many moving parts, if there is just one person who is missing from the action, the entire company will notice, especially if it means someone else now has to complete their assigned task.

These assigned tasks are unique because everyone has one. Sounds cliché, but not any two are the same and with every performance, it changes slightly, each experience adjusting for the needs of the day.  A tweak here and there will make the duties run ever smoother and the show more seamless than the night before.

In our everyday lives, we are like that. We are placed in situations and held accountable for responsibilities that require us to be present for them to be complete. When we are out of place or not there, we see how strong of an impact it is on our lives and on those in our immediate circles.  We may feel as if we are no longer on the same wavelength, no longer able to be apart of the unit.  But the truth of the matter is that we are noticed in our absences for when we are not in place, we are no longer contributing to the whole. 

We affect so many more than we think, even if the smallest gesture.  It does matter if we are not in the best shape (physically, mentally, spiritually or emotionally).  It does matter if we do not take care of ourselves.  It does matter if we are only operating to 75% of our maximum capacity.    1 Corinthians 12:12 reads, “For just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body, though many, are one body, so it is with Christ.” It does not matter if we stutter, feel ill equipped or have a set back a time or two, we must fulfill our role.

This week, let us consider the strength of our own impact, for giving ourselves fully is the only way to obtain unity.

Reflections: Lifted

I have a different plan for my writing in August - my intension were to write about how the different school supplies can encourage us. Those posts will still be written soon and released at some point in the future.  However, there is so much movement in the air, I felt a different subject come about.  In the news and in my personal life, there have been several people unhappy with their circumstances, down on their luck and in their self-esteem.  With the recent alleged suicide of a childhood star whose career I followed, it solidified the fact that this should be a conversation.  Take a deep breath and exhale; we need this one.

Without a doubt, sometimes the world seems to weigh on us.  We do not always wear it well – we may cry out in frustration or feel the not-quite-so-gentle perspiration of tears moisturizing our skin.  Some of us hold it in, isolating ourselves, only to act out physically later which shocks our family and friends.  We maintain the pretenses, justifying the need to save face by indulging in luxuries – buying a new pair of shoes instead of paying a bill (even though I believe in rewarding the self – but that post is for another time).  I wonder if it is that, sometimes, we do not admit to ourselves exactly where we are on our emotional spectrum? That by the time we cry out for help we are so far down the spiral there is no possible redemption.  We get low, out of sync with ourselves and out of balance.

Yesterday morning, I stopped by my church to drop off a package and had the treat of hearing my friend sing some of John Legend’s “So High” (she has a magnificent voice).  The song itself actually talks about one party issuing an invitation of love to another; listening to it made me fall in love again – with me.   I was able to wrap up in a moment of clarity, seeing what I had neglected the past few weeks when my own situations became far more than I could handle.  In that moment, I understood that I had failed recently to really uplift myself, to forgive myself of mistakes I may have made, to forgive myself for doubting my intuition, or to congratulate myself for stepping out on faith.

This sounds a little odd, but I think sometimes we allow the world to distract us to the point that we can ot see what is that we have always loved about ourselves. The things like that birthmark on my leg; the chicken pox scar on my chest; or the fact that I like to make paper piles in all of my work and living spaces.  These things simultaneously annoy me, yes, but it is what makes me so unique.  I love my fear of showing my writing to anyone, my reluctance at stepping out on faith and that I am phone shy – I hate calling someone the first time.  I’m flawed and I love that because it is where I am humbled.    I am reminded that, “…I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  Wonderful are your works;
that I know very well” (Psalm 139:14).  The depths of my complexity is scary and awesome, a thin line that can be confusing if not embraced.  But we should not be daunted.

The reason I write and maintain Peace and Praise as a blog and newsletter is to encouraging myself so that I can be a brighter light to others.  We never know whom we touch, who is watching, who is in need of your presence, in any given circumstance.  I write this as a person who admits that I have been so low, feeling unaccomplished or that I must be as worthless/incompetent as they say.  I write acknowledging that I have, in the earliest morning hours after bouts of persistent insomnia, considered the alternatives, convinced they could be a solution.  I write confessing that I have not always been in the soundest of minds when pieces of my life were scattered – half up in the air threatening to drop while many more lay open and exposed on the ground.  Thankfully, I had a godmother with professional sensibilities who loved me enough to share a salad, fanning that dying spark, coaxing it regain the strength to become a full on flame once more.

I have attempted the juggling act – that dance that forces me to choose between the necessary elements, only to finally that decide I refuse to choose any longer.  I have to do what preserves me and deposits positively into my own life.

What lifts me?  I intentionally decide to get grounded, connecting with the scientifically purest form of myself, the being made of love and joy.    In the beginning, it may require confiding in an anonymous party, one who would never judge you or your situation.  Getting lifted is about accepting your truth and reveling in the peace the honesty can bring.  Getting lifted is moving to a place so high that even if things are not going right, the thoughts never again threaten to diminish your heat.  I am happy to say, that no matter what I have faced since that salad, I have never allowed my flame to be turned that low again.

Consider grounding yourself – meditate in the morning, develop a ritual of 10 minutes of quiet time or even color.  If you are in a place that pushes you deeper, consider confiding in a professional 3^rd party or certified spiritual guide to assist.  Above all, keep yourself lifted.

What’s in your Knapsack?: Unpacking the Compartments

Picture from cfespcs.sharpschool.com

“Everything you need you already have. You are complete right now, you are a whole, total person, not an apprentice person on the way to someplace else. Your completeness must be understood by you and experienced in your thoughts as your own personal reality.” ~ Beverly Sills

The fall comes and without a doubt, one of the recurring themes is returning to school and the purchase of utensils.  Buying school supplies, or preparing for the upcoming tasks, will make the work easier in the long term. In fact, often what is acquired during this time determines how prepared one is for the remainder of the academic year. My favorite was choosing a backpack, for the color, preferably, with many different compartments, complete with zippers and pockets, so that it would be easier to locate everything during the change of periods.

In my house, my Mom always made sure we were completely packed full of numerous items, including pencils, pens, notebooks, erasers, calculators…the list goes on.  She took full advantage of tax free weekends and sales at Office Depot so as to avoid paying full price for pencils in January.   We, my brothers and I, would spend multiple hours the night before the first day of school deciding what would go into the bag and how to establish a system for the year.  No matter how prepared we were, around 3^rd period we discovered there was a surprise waiting at the bottom of the knapsack, messenger bag, or two strapped backpack.  It could be the extra notebook paper, index cards, or even the locker magnet we thought was left in the store due to cost, hiding in that bonus cell phone holder made of the same material as the bag.

Our lives often operate like this – we pack for the journey and still, somehow, we are pleasantly surprised by the gifts acquired, even subconsciously.  Funny thing is, there are so many of us who actually never bother to look inside the bag to begin with.  Some are reluctant to unzip a pocket for fear of bumping up against negative experiences, to remember what may have caused pain.  Others have no clue at all that they are carrying a bag.  Even still, others of us have only bothered to pull out what we were responsible for packing, never brothering to rip the Velcro. 

We need not worry about what will happen tomorrow, because we have already prepared for what is to come.   “And God is able to provide you with every blessing in abundance, so that by always having enough of everything, you may share abundantly in every good work” (2 Corinthians 9:8).  So get ready, set and go off into a new academic year, knowing everything you need is there to use.

Consider taking time out this month, as we walk through the contents of the bag, to reflect on the gifts you have and how you can use them toward furthering your call.