REFLECTIONS: TRUE LIVING
The sound of your heart is made clear in your actions.
~ Rev. Jamie Capers
What is living to me?
This is the question I wrote while journaling one morning.
Julia Cameron suggests in her book, The Artist's Way, to write morning pages
- three pages of words, bible verses, pictures, song lyrics, whatever you need
to center yourself and prepare for the day. I use it as apart of my
devotion/prayer time, so whatever residual feelings from the day before are
withdrawn and new items can be deposited in the coming hours. This is
also where I challenge myself to be better, hence the question…
What is living to me?
I like stability. I am a planner – I need to
know exactly where to go, even if the details are not mapped out (this is where
I am malleable and can bend rules a little). I thrive in goal-oriented
situations where things are pre-established, which is why I have multiple
degrees and am addicted to Candy Crush. The rounds are clearly
structured so that I can measure my own progress without thinking about
it. My solution was to have a basic job as an administrative
assistant or clerk at a homeless resource center so I could pay bills. A basic job provides some stability – a
seemingly ideal situation until I can get my writing to be what is necessary.
But the question returned…
What is living to me?
What I have found is that this was coping – merely
surviving when my potential, in fact, is much greater than that. The mundane
tasks were crippling, clouding my judgment of what was more important to me,
what makes me grow. Things I would have completed overtime quickly were
now met with intense hesitation. When faced with the question of “What
happened?”, it was the necessary mirror to consider exactly the person I was
growing into. It led me to believe I may not be embracing my truth.
“Behold, You desire truth in the inner being; make me therefore to know wisdom
in my inmost heart” (Psalm 51: 6). I realized I was in fact trying
to hide, however, potential and talent shine like a lightening bug in a dark
room; once you think they have made it out, a little flash is a reminder of
their presence. So I came back to the question….
What is living to me?
Living, to me, looks a lot like walking in the path I am
destined to walk on and not playing it safe. Trying the areas once more
that I thought I failed previously. Living means not being fearful of
reprioritizing or reorganizing. Living is not being afraid to succeed. Over the next 30 days, I encourage you
to decide, what is living to you?
Activity: What is Living to You?
